Everything still Flows.

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Wednesday, February 25

On the verge of tears, I left the class early, took a cab home, and cry.

When is enough really enough?

Hell week is taking such a toll on me, I don't think I have ever said this before, but I don't think I can handle everything anymore.

Too much too much. It is suffocating and I can no longer maintain my face.

Come next year, I will most probably be in Buffalo at New York for an entire year to finish up my degree. Green light given from my course adviser and my parents, just awaiting this July to apply and leave in early Jan next year.

I think the break will do me good.

Oh, and this blog is over. I no longer wish to continue writing here.

Take care guys.

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Thursday, February 19

Soccer trainings, or modeling class?

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Wednesday, February 18

Warning: Long and Wordy Entry Ahead
This is going to be a long entry, there is a whole mess of thoughts in my head that I want to pen out (before deleting them after a while). To help myself feel more organised I am going to categorize them.

Introduction
Most of you who follow my blog would know that Pst Tan recently gave my number to some thingy. Anyways today was my first lesson, and I now understand what it is. It is a talent thingy which our church is embarking on, the 20plus of us are the first batch. So we have 4 modules we are encouraged to complete, they are Modeling, Hosting, Singing, Acting. Each module will take about 4 weeks, and is trained by external people. So anyways today was the first lesson of our first module - modeling.

During the 4 hour long class
I WAS SO BORED!!!! There were many many familiar faces, such as Sally, Jody, Constance, Jonathan, Desmond, etc. So I wasn't alone, although 97% of them came from the Asia Conference pageant. But my point is, everyone there seems to know what they want except me! Am I the only one who never aspired to be a model or some pageant winner?!

We were asked to write 3 points why we were present, I couldn't think of any. I had no idea why I was there. In fact, although I went with a very open mind, through out the entire time, my mind was being so sarcastic at me being there that I almost wanted to jump out the window. The trainer then picked out 3 girls to evaluate on make up, I was one of them. She chose the 3 of us to show the contrast, from one who has the most make up, to one who has none. Guess which I was. Heh. I was the only girl in class who did not bother to apply make up. HAIYOH! I was also one of the two miserable girls in class who do not know how to put on fake eyelashes. The trainer said she is going to bring her eyelash set next week and give the both of us personal lessons on putting on falsies. yippie. (sarcasm by the way)

I was honestly bored out of my wits during the class as I can't find the passion in me for modeling! I felt so out of place as I seem to be the only one who do not want to model. I don't want to have to care about my make up everyday, I don't want to have to wear heels all the time, I don't care if I do not walk with poise, I don't care if I eat junk all day! I got so bored that by the end of class, I was contemplating on not coming back for the rest of the classes. It is a waste of my evening as I have a whole load of work waiting for me to attend to! Ministry schedule is still waiting for me, my exams are next week, 2 assignments due this week, badminton outing next Thursday, council matters to settle, COME ON!

Plus do you know how serious this course thingy is? During our third week, our trainer is bringing her professional photographers to come take our profile photos, then they will be sent out for casting!? And the fourth week we will be taking profile videos, which will also be sent out for casting! HAIYOH!!! And this is only our first module!!

After class, I immediately removed my heels (which we were required to wear) and returned back to my slippers. Sigh.

BUT

things begin to change on the way home...

On the way home
We ended only at 11pm, so I shared a cab with Sally and Raymond. Raymond is the organiser for this, and he has a well of experience in the entertainment industry. So in the cab, it went like this:

Raymond: So you are Kayla
Me: Yup, why?
Raymond: The one Pst Tan called right?
Sally: Whoa! Pst Tan called you in?
Raymond: We were having a meeting when Pst Tan suddenly called and enrolled you in.
Me: Really? It was during a meeting?
Raymond: Yup.

Okay, I have no idea why it mattered to me that that call (which I receieved when I was serving) was made by Pst Tan when they were having the meeting. But that reminder from Raymond kind of cleared the sarcasm which was clouding my mind. What does Pst Tan see in me that I don't see?! Why will he want me to go for this when I never imagined myself to be involved in this industry?! It then struck me that I am like an ambassador for Pst Tan, the organisers know 'Kayla' as 'the girl Pst Tan called'. How could I had even entertained the thoughts of quitting! How could I!

So after we dropped Sally, I confided in Raymond a little about me being very unsure of why I was here. He then told me about his experiences, how he was led to where he is, neither was he one of those who aspire to be in the industry. It is kind of like me, I do not really aspire to be an entertainer, but the doors opened to me seem to always be in that direction.

Conclusion
I never want to let Pst Tan down, I want to see what Pst Tan sees in me and prove that I can. There must be a reason why I am here, and I am going to find it out. Therefore, I am going to stick it through, continue going for classes, and ban all sarcastic remarks from my head!!!!!!! I will develop an interest for this, I shall learn to put on fake eyelash, I will be more vain, whatever it takes!

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Tuesday, February 17

Fairy tales are more than true: not because
they tell us that dragons exist, but because
they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

- G. K. Chesterton

I hate hate hate politics to the core core core.
I cannot be bothered, not one bit.

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Saturday, February 14

Two people that made me very happy today! :)

1. Pst Ming!
He makes me so very happy! Today he was asking me why am I not out celebrating valentines day, I told him I was going to! But with a girl. Heh. Anyways the gist of our conversation revolves around how I should not just focus on studies but also to go get a boyfriend. Haha. He is so funny la, he is really the only pastor I dare to be cheeky with. I smile extra wide each time he is there. Like today we were serving dinner, so the pastors and other board members were there. When Pst Ming came in via the pantry, I felt my smile going extra wide. Heh. And he was so cute, he whispered for me to tell him who is in the guest room as he didn't want to join in for dinner. So I offered to bring food out for him instead. Heh. I like Pst Ming! He is so fatherly, that look on his face each time he talks to me makes me feel so loved! Pst Tan and Pst Ming are my favorite pastors!

2. Rhonda!
Finally after 2 years, Rhon and I met up. It has been so long since I laughed till my stomach hurts sooooo bad. I seriously couldn't walk properly because we were laughing so hard. Haha. We talked about lots of stuff too. There was a point when she mentioned something like "I've been waiting for you for 2 years la!", that sentence made me realize how so many things can change within 2 years. It's a bittersweet thing I guess. The choices I have made that determine where I am now, which so far I am not regretting. Heh. Although things did not go as I thought it would, this path opened up so many other doors for me. Doors that would require more of God's guidance and strength, routes that forces me out of my shell, to reveal my insecurities forcing me to face them. I think it is awesome.

Anyways we joined Wayne, Sally and the gang after that. Played the polar bear game, super fun! I was so accurate okay, awesome. Hah. I would make such a good hunter.

All in all, it was a good valentines day!

So, should I go tomorrow or should I not?

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Wednesday, February 11

Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
FABIAN FABIAN!
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
COLDPLAY
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
COLDPLAY
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
COLDPLAY

Fabes @ Home says:
Huh what who what where coldplay what?
Fabes @ Home says:
WHAT THE
Fabes @ Home says:
COLDPLAY
Fabes @ Home says:
IS COMING
Fabes @ Home says:
TO SINGAPORE?!

Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
YESSSS!
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
LIKE YESSSSS
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
OH MY GOODNESS ME YESSSSSSS
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
MARCH 23

Fabes @ Home says:
MA- .... MARCH!?!?
Fabes @ Home says:
That's the Month of Jason Mraz too
Fabes @ Home says:
zomg.

Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
I KNOWWWW

Fabes @ Home says:
z. o. m. g.
Fabes @ Home says:
TICKET
Fabes @ Home says:
PRICES

Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
I WANNA DIEEEE

Fabes @ Home says:
WHAT ARE THEY

Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
$248
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
but that's the free standing
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
I'm sure there are cheaper ones
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
BUT ITS COLDPLAY!
Kayla- WHO WANTS TO GO FOR COLDPLAY GIG WITH ME!!!!! says:
HOW CAN YOU GET CHEAPER TICKETS!

Fabes @ Home says:
There is no such thing as sitting at a Coldplay concert.
Fabes @ Home says:
You either stand and dance, or you donate your limbs to someone WHO DESERVES THEM MORE.
Fabes @ Home says:
... 248. Ouch.

how now brown cow!

CO-COL-CO-COLDPLAY IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!

AHHHHH!!

COLDPLAY IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAAAAZZZZZYYYYYYYY!!

HOW ON EARTH!!!!

EEEEKKKS!

COLDPLAY COLDPLAY COLDPLAY!

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Monday, February 9

The call came today!

Shall not elaborate here, leaning on God's guidance!

AND ITS PST TAN LEH!!!!! (sighh, I'm still not over it.)

:)

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Sunday, February 8

Hospitality Session!

So, today we had our very first Hospitality Meeting! It is like a cell group meeting, except it is for the hospi ministry! It was so awesome as Pst Yong led the 20+ of us at the guest room. One thing I love about this ministry is that we are so small, thus it feels like a family. The downside to the size of our ministry is that the person drawing up the schedule has a horrible life (points at self). Ha-ha. Kidding la, I really enjoy what I do. I was just telling WM the other day that I enjoy serving, but of course, I told him not to tell my leader that! Heh.

Today Pst Yong laid hands on everyone, he spoke promotion to my life and I am claiming it by faith! A word also came to me during the session, "The joy of the Lord is my strength". Really, it just hit me. I am juggling with so many things right now yet I am reluctant to let any go, really simply because I love all that I am doing! The joy in doing what I do, the joy I feel from heaven. Have you ever felt God being proud of you? That pride that falls down from heaven unto you, and you feel a smile come across your face knowing that God is so proud of His 'pure and beloved' (the meaning of kayla! heh). It is like a glow that shines on your face which stretches your skin forcing you to smile. Hah. That feeling is what I live for.

Anyways, today's session was really awesome. The presence was so strong, it was a very different meeting. I've always seen Pst Yong as a very eccentric Pastor. He is very different; from his style to the way he speaks. During today's meeting, I noticed how he kept everything very open, and how he allowed so much room for the spirit to move. Shall not elaborate here, but it impacted me.

It is also exciting to see where the ministry is headed. With more 'dealings' with the air crew ministry, it really 'up' the standard of the hospitality ministry. Plus I am excited to learn from the crew and all the others from the ministry. Oh! Another point, it is so sweeet to see people getting attached within the ministry! There are 2 couples already. Heh.

Sweeeeeet.